Software Vault: The Gold Collection/Software Vault - The Gold Collection (American Databankers) (1993).ISO/cdr11/redbadge.zip/FILE2.TXT

Text File | 1993-06-14 | 18KB | 281 lines

                                CHAPTER TWO

          The next morning the youth discovered that his tall comrade
     had been the fast-flying messenger of a mistake. There was much
     scoffing at the latter by those who had yesterday been firm
     adherents of his views, and there was even a little sneering by men
     who had never believed the rumor. The tall one fought with a man
     from Chatfield Corners and beat him severely.
          The youth felt, however, that his problem was in no wise
     lifted from him. There was, on the contrary, an irritating
     prolongation. The tale had created in him a great concern for
     himself. Now, with the newborn question in his mind, he was
     compelled to sink back into his old place as part of a blue
     demonstration.
          For days he made ceaseless calculations, but they were all
     wondrously unsatisfactory. He found that he could establish
     nothing. He finally concluded that the only way to prove himself
     was to go into the blaze, and then figuratively to watch his legs
     to discover their merits and faults. He reluctantly admitted that
     he could not sit still and with a mental slate and pencil derive an
     answer. To gain it, he must have blaze, blood, and danger, even as
     a chemist requires this, that, and the other. So he fretted for an
     opportunity.
          Meanwhile he continually tried to measure himself by his
     comrades. The tall soldier, for one, gave him some assurance. This
     man's serene unconcern dealt him a measure of confidence, for he
     had known him since childhood, and from his intimate knowledge he
     did not see how he could be capable of anything that was beyond
     him, the youth. Still, he thought his comrade might be mistaken
     about himself. Or, on the other hand, he might be a man heretofore
     doomed to peace and obscurity, but, in reality, made to shine in
     war.
          The youth would have liked to have discovered an other who
     suspected himself. A sympathetic comparison of mental notes would
     have been a joy to him.
          He occasionally tried to fathom a comrade with seductive
     sentences. He looked about to find men in the proper mood. All
     attempts failed to bring forth any statement which looked in any
     way like a confession to those doubts which he privately
     acknowledged in himself. He was afraid to make an open declaration
     of his concern, because he dreaded to place some unscrupulous
     confidant upon the high plane of the unconfessed from which
     elevation he could be derided.
          In regard to his companions his mind wavered between two
     opinions, according to his mood. Sometimes he inclined to believing
     them all heroes. In fact, he usually admitted in secret the
     superior development of the higher qualities in others. He could
     conceive of men going very insignificantly about the world bearing
     a load of courage unseen, and, although he had known many of his
     comrades through boyhood, he began to fear that his judgment of
     them had been blind. Then, in other moments, he flouted these
     theories, and assured himself that his fellows were all privately
     wondering and quaking.
          His emotions made him feel strange in the presence of men who
     talked excitedly of a prospective battle as of a drama they were
     about to witness, with nothing but eagerness and curiosity apparent
     in their faces. It was often that he suspected them to be liars.
          He did not pass such thoughts without severe condemnation of
     himself. He dinned reproaches at times. He was convicted by himself
     of many shameful crimes against the gods of traditions.
          In his great anxiety his heart was continually clamoring at
     what he considered the intolerable slowness of the generals. They
     seemed content to perch tranquilly on the river bank, and leave him
     bowed down by the weight of a great problem. He wanted it settled
     forthwith. He could not long bear such a load, he said. Sometimes
     his anger at the commanders reached an acute stage, and he grumbled
     about the camp like a veteran.
          One morning, however, he found himself in the ranks of his
     prepared regiment. The men were whispering speculations and
     recounting the old rumors. In the gloom before the break of the day
     their uniforms glowed a deep purple hue. From across the river the
     red eyes were still peering. In the eastern sky there was a yellow
     patch like a rug laid for the feet of the coming sun; and against
     it, black and pattern-like, loomed the gigantic figure of the
     colonel on a gigantic horse.
          From off in the darkness came the trampling of feet. The youth
     could occasionally see dark shadows that moved like monsters. The
     regiment stood at rest for what seemed a long time. The youth grew
     impatient. It was unendurable the way these affairs were managed.
     He wondered how long they were to be kept waiting.
          As he looked all about him and pondered upon the mystic gloom,
     he began to believe that at any moment the ominous distance might
     be aflare, and the rolling crashes of an engagement come to his
     ears. Staring once at the red eyes across the river, he conceived
     them to be growing larger, as the orbs of a row of dragons
     advancing. He turned toward the colonel and saw him lift his
     gigantic arm and calmly stroke his mustache.
          At last he heard from along the road at the foot of the hill
     the clatter of a horse's galloping hoofs. It must be the coming of
     orders. He bent forward, scarce breathing. The exciting clickety-
     click, as it grew louder and louder, seemed to be beating upon his
     soul. Presently a horseman with jangling equipment drew rein before
     the colonel of the regiment. The two held a short, sharp-worded
     conversation. The men in the foremost ranks craned their necks.
          As the horseman wheeled his animal and galloped away he turned
     to shout over his shoulder, "Don't forget that box of cigars!" The
     colonel mumbled in reply. The youth wondered what a box of cigars
     had to do with war.
          A moment later the regiment went swinging off into the
     darkness. It was now like one of those moving monsters wending with
     many feet. The air was heavy, and cold with dew. A mass of wet
     grass, marched upon, rustled like silk.
          There was an occasional flash and glimmer of steel from the
     backs of all these huge crawling reptiles. From the road came
     creakings and grumblings as some surly guns were dragged away.
          The men stumbled along still muttering speculations. There was
     a subdued debate. Once a man fell down, and as he reached for his
     rifle a comrade, unseeing, trod upon his hand. He of the injured
     fingers swore bitterly and aloud. A low tittering laugh went among
     his fellows.
          Presently they passed into a roadway and marched forward with
     easy strides. A dark regiment moved before them, and from behind
     also came the tinkle of equipments on the bodies of marching men.
          The rushing yellow of the developing day went on behind their
     backs. When the sunrays at last struck full and mellowingly upon
     the earth, the youth saw that the landscape was streaked with two
     long, thin, black columns which disappeared on the brow of a hill
     in front and rearward vanished in a wood. They were like two
     serpents crawling from the cavern of the night.
          The river was not in view. The tall soldier burst into praises
     of what he thought to be his powers of perception.
          Some of the tall one's companions cried with emphasis that
     they, too, had evolved the same thing, and they congratulated
     themselves upon it. But there were others who said that the tall
     one's plan was not the true one at all. They persisted with other
     theories. There was a vigorous discussion.
          The youth took no part in them. As he walked along in careless
     line he was engaged with his own eternal debate. He could not
     hinder himself from dwelling upon it. He was despondent and sullen,
     and threw shifting glances about him. He looked ahead, often
     expecting to hear from the advance the rattle of firing.
          But the long serpents crawled slowly from hill to hill without
     bluster of smoke. A dun-colored cloud of dust floated away to the
     right. The sky overhead was of a fairy blue.
          The youth studied the faces of his companions, ever on the
     watch to detect kindred emotions. He suffered disappointment. Some
     ardor of the air which was causing the veteran commands to move
     with glee---almost with song---had infected the new regiment. The
     men began to speak of victory as of a thing they knew. Also the
     tall soldier received his vindication. They were certainly going to
     come around in behind the enemy.. They expressed commiseration for
     that part of the army which had been left upon the river bank,
     felicitating themselves upon being a part of a blasting host.
          The youth, considering himself as separated from the others,
     was saddened by the blithe and merry speeches that went from rank
     to rank. The company wags all made their best endeavors. The
     regiment tramped to the tune of laughter.
          The blatant soldier often convulsed whole files by his biting
     sarcasms aimed at the tall one.
          And it was not long before all the men seemed to forget their
     mission. Whole brigades grinned in unison, and regiments laughed.
          A rather fat soldier attempted to pilfer a horse from a
     dooryard. He planned to load his knapsack upon it. He was escaping
     with his prize when a young girl rushed from the house and grabbed
     the animal's mane. There followed a wrangle. The young girl, with
     pink cheeks and shining eyes, stood like a dauntless statue.
          The observant regiment, standing at rest in the road way,
     whooped at once, and entered whole-souled upon the side of the
     maiden. The men became so engrossed in this affair that they
     entirely ceased to remember their own large war. They jeered the
     piratical private, and called attention to various defects in his
     personal appearance; and they were wildly enthusiastic in support
     of the young girl.
          To her, from some distance, came bold advice. "Hit him with a
     stick. "
          There were crows and catcalls showered upon him when he
     retreated without the horse. The regiment rejoiced at his downfall.
     Loud and vociferous congratulations were showered upon the maiden,
     who stood panting and regarding the troops with defiance.
          At nightfall the column broke into regimental pieces, and the
     fragments went into the fields to camp. Tents sprang up like
     strange plants. Camp fires, like red, peculiar blossoms, dotted the
     night.
          The youth kept from intercourse with his companions as much as
     circumstances would allow him. In the evening he wandered a few
     paces into the gloom. From this little distance the many fires,
     with the black forms of men passing to and fro before the crimson
     rays, made weird and satanic effects.
          He lay down in the grass. The blades pressed tenderly against
     his cheek. The moon had been lighted and was hung in a treetop. The
     liquid stillness of the night enveloping him made him feel vast
     pity for himself. There was a caress in the soft winds; and the
     whole mood of the darkness, he thought, was one of sympathy for
     himself in his distress.
          He wished, without reserve, that he was at home again making
     the endless rounds from the house to the barn, from the barn to the
     fields, from the fields to the barn, from the barn to the house. He
     remembered he had often cursed the bindle cow and her mates, and
     had sometimes flung milking stools. But, from his present point of
     view, there was a halo of happiness about each of their heads, and
     he would have sacrificed all the brass buttons on the continent to
     have been enabled to return to them. He told himself that he was
     not formed for a soldier. And he mused seriously upon the radical
     differences between himself and those men who were dodging imp-like
     around the fires.
          As he mused thus he heard the rustle of grass, and, upon
     turning his head, discovered the loud soldier. He called out, "Oh,
     Wilson!"
          The latter approached and looked down. "Why, hello, Henry; is
     it you? What you doing here?"
          "Oh, thinking," said the youth.
          The other sat down and carefully lighted his pipe. "You're
     getting blue, my boy. You're looking thundering peaked. What the
     dickens is wrong with you?"
          "Oh, nothing," said the youth.
          The loud soldier launched then into the subject of the
     anticipated fight. "Oh, we've got them now!" As he spoke his boyish
     face was wreathed in a gleeful smile, and his voice had an exultant
     ring. "We've got them now. At last, by the eternal thunders, we'll
     lick them good!"
          "If the truth was known," he added, more soberly, "they've
     licked us about every clip up to now; but this time---this time --
     we'll lick them good!"
          "I thought you was objecting to this march a little while
     ago," said the youth coldly.
          "Oh, it wasn't that," explained the other. "I don't mind
     marching, if there's going to be fighting at the end of it. What I
     hate is this getting moved here and moved there, with no good
     coming of it, as far as I can see, excepting sore feet and damned
     short rations."
          "Well, Jim Conklin says we'll get a plenty of fighting this
     time."
          "He's right for once, I guess, though I can't see how it come.
     This time we're in for a big battle, and we've got the best end of
     it, certain sure. Gee rod! how we will thump them!"
          He arose and began to pace to and fro excitedly. The thrill of
     his enthusiasm made him walk with an elastic step. He was
     sprightly, vigorous, fiery in his belief in success. He looked into
     the future with clear, proud eye, and he swore with the air of an
     old soldier.
          The youth watched him for a moment in silence. When he finally
     spoke his voice was as bitter as dregs. "Oh, you're going to do
     great things, I suppose!"
          The loud soldier blew a thoughtful cloud of smoke from his
     pipe "Oh, I don't know," he remarked with dignity; "I don't know.
     I suppose I'll do as well as the rest. I'm going to try like
     thunder." He evidently complimented himself upon the modesty of
     this statement.
          "How do you know you won't run when the time comes?" asked the
     youth.
          "Run?" said the loud one. "Run?---of course not!" He laughed.
          "Well," continued the youth, "lots of good enough men have
     thought they was going to do great things before the fight, but
     when the time come they skedaddled."
          "Oh, that's all true, I suppose," replied the other; "but I'm
     not going to skedaddle. The man that bets on my running will lose
     his money, that's all." He nodded confidently.
          "Oh, shucks!" said the youth."You ain't the bravest man in the
     world, are you?"
          "No, I ain't," exclaimed the loud soldier indignantly; "and I
     didn't say I was the bravest man in the world, neither. I said I
     was going to do my share of fighting, that's what I said. And I am,
     too. Who are you, anyhow? You talk as if you thought you was
     Napoleon Bonaparte." He glared at the youth for a moment, and then
     strode away.
          The youth called in a savage voice after his comrade:"Well,
     you needn't get mad about it!" But the other continued on his way
     and made no reply.
          He felt alone in space when his injured comrade had
     disappeared. His failure to discover any mite of resemblance in
     their viewpoints made him more miserable than before. No one seemed
     ta be wrestling with such a terrific personal problem. He was a
     mental outcast.
          He went slowly to his tent and stretched himself on a blanket
     by the side of the snoring tall soldier. In the darkness he saw
     visions of a thousand-tongued fear that would babble at his back
     and cause him to flee, while others were going coolly about their
     country's business. He admitted that he would not be able to cope
     with this monster. He felt that every nerve in his body would be an
     ear to hear the voices, while other men would remain stolid and
     deaf.
          And as he sweated with the pain of these thoughts, he could
     hear low, serene sentences."I'll bid five." "Make it six." "Seven."
     "Seven goes."
          He stared at the red, shivering reflection of a fire on the
     white wall of his tent until, exhausted and ill from the monotony
     of his suffering, he fell asleep.